Hi Peeps,

And greetings from the heart of the wonderful Mediterranean,

Our Flotel

Yes at last.  I’m stuck on the recently arrived accommodation rig.  We are around 125kms due west off the coast of Sfax.  And its dead good.

I normally hate being offshore, but this is like a floating 5 star hotel, well apart from the lack of a bar.

There was one complaint for the management.  Sure I requested a seaview. Given we are surrounded an all sides by sea it shouldn’t have been that difficult. Instead,  I got a view of a portacabin, a crane and some roof. Not a sign of the ocean!!! Tuh!

Still, I’m very impressed! A nice, spacious, single occupancy cabin. Excellent food. A well equipped gym – I had a look in,  just for forms sake. A sauna, a cinema, dozens and dozens of tv lounges with Sky tv and hot drink points everywhere!! Cant be bad.

The Helicopter

I’m out here for a week,  rotating back to Sfax next Sunday. Then it’s back home to Blighty on Monday – Hoorah. However I’m back out in Tunisia the following Sunday booo!  Next trip,  I’ll be offshore for around 4 weeks. Fortunately, as I’m the boss and paying for this floating pleasure palace, I do get some perks.  I am being provided with my own TV, DVD and X-Box in my cabin, (which now has a sea view) and I can lie in until 07.30am.  Life can be good sometimes.

Sfax to Gulf of Gabes

Chopper to Miskar ready for take off.

The helicopter flight out is fun. I don’t like helicopters very much. Rickety and rather flimsy looking things. They seemed designed to shake themselves to bits and often do.

In the North Sea, getting onto a chopper is a long and laborious Process. There is the check in, the security check, the safety briefing, change into your survival suit, then you managed onto the aircraft and seated to suit the load management. It’s not like that here.

The Tunisian Experience

You seem to wander into the airport, grab a coffee and mill around for a bit. There is a safety briefing, but no survival suit. The Med’ is a bit warmer than the North Sea. After the briefing we ambled out to the chopper, before a brief scrum as everyone fought for the best seat. The pilot came second, but pointed out we couldn’t fly if he was in the back. Reluctantly, I let him have his seat back.

I am being a bit flippant. The firm we use for flights has a top notch safety record and everyone, with the possible exception of me acted very professionally. The Company have stringent expectations for HSE and performance, but it is all a bit more relaxed than in the North Sea, which is kind of refreshing.

Dante’s Inferno

On the flight out, just as you come to the coastline, we have to fly over a big potash  plant.  On the coastal side of the

The Miskar
Platform

plant is a huge spoils heap. Goodness knows what it is they are dumping there, but looking down it’s like Dante’s Inferno. Mounds of grey-black material is interspersed with patches of bright red, as something is burnt off.  On the fringes of these areas are white ash piles.  Whispy black smoke drifts up. We were unfortunate to get a whiff and it is pungent and very unpleasant. Pools of foul looking liquid have formed here and there. It really looks awful.

The Kerkennah Isles

Fortunately, it doesn’t last long and then you are out over the wonderfully blue, crystal clear water of the Med. It was a beautifully sunny day and I started to enjoy the flight.  We skirted by the southern edge of the  Kerkennah Islands and they looked very inviting. What a contrast with the hellish sight on the Sfax coast line.

Isle of Kekennah

Sunset on Kerkennah

I had been out to the platforms many times before, but I was a bit taken aback this time. With the accommodation rig along side, they looked tiny. No kidding, they were dwarfed. We circled around and then came in to land. I hate this part, but it was fine.  As chopper flights go, it wasn’t bad. In fact I far preferred it to my flight out to Tunisia.

Air France

I flew out to Tunisia last Sunday after yet another hectic leave (non leave) involving business trips to London, Reading, Belfast and Aberdeen. For some reason, they keep getting me to fly with Air France when returning to Tunisia.  I have to say, Air France is without doubt the worst airline I have ever had the misfortune to have to fly with. First of all, their business class is a joke. Business class seems to be economy class but with extra attitude. In business class the stewardess’s smile as they insult you. The food is awful, even the wine is naff. Charles deGaul airport is a joke. BA fly into terminal 2 gate F. Air france fly to Tunisia from Terminal 2 gate F.  You might therefore be forgiven for thinking it would be relatively simple task to get off one plane and onto the next. And you would be wrong.  Teams of devious French folk have spent days and days dreaming up new and inventive ways to make it as difficult and unpleasant an experience as possible.

The Gate Experience

Air France’s Stand Up Service.

Once you get through the transfer desk, immigration and security you finally emerge into the waiting gates. At this point you will be carrying  your belt, watch and anything that even looks metalic. I am sure they have their metal detectors tuned to detect mere atoms of metal. Once through, you discover that there is bugger all there. The gate area is undersized, the shops, few that there are,  are naff. The bar is tiny, overpriced and overcrowded. Oh, and of course, being of a gallic persuasion, everyone but everyone smokes. Probably Galloise or Camels. And there are always twice the number of people that there are seats,  And the coffee is crap.  As you might have gathered, I wasn’t impressed.

Once at the gate, they seem to have an interesting approach to boarding. It is always by bus. Why build a supposedly state of the art terminal with dozens of gates all equipped with skyways which lead not to your awaiting plane but to a bloody bus.

And We’re Off

The boarding itself seems to go on for hours and then finally, you take off. Once airborne, they roll along the isle with their little carts and offer you something they describe as a gourmet meal. On Sunday, I poked around at my gourmet meal for a quite a while, trying to decide just what it was. I was sufficiently hungry enough to try it, but still couldn’t work out what I was eating. As it happened, my neighbour in the seat next to me made my mind up for me. He turned around and sneezed loudly and messily all over my dinner. I noticed he turned away from his own to do that. But at least he smiled and begged my excuse.  Hmmmmm.  Anyway that was decision made! I wasn’t that hungry.  Or. impressed.

It was a long wait for luggage

Lost Luggage

It was the usual fiasco at Tunis airport. We were the only plane arriving and actually got through immigration quite quickly. In the arrivals hall the electronic display suggested the luggage would be on caroussel 1. Five minutes later, they changed to carrousel 3. Naturally,  the luggage eventually emerged on carrousel number 2. In dribs and drabs.  From the first case appearing, it was over 20 mins before I got mine. It always fascinates me what emerges on the conveyors. Jakarta was the same. Microwaves, ovens, fridges, TV’s, rice steamers.  On this occasion there was an oven unit. One of the build in types. Going around and around and around the carrousel. Never did see anyone claim it.

Could still be there for all I know.

And Finally……

Otherwise, Sfax is Sfax is Sfax. I came prepared with home comforts this trip. Batchelors savoury rice, midgit gems, mature cheddar cheese and a couple of bottles of decent wine. I think we’re on the downward slope now. I am optimistic with the right resources and infrastructure in place, I can have this project cracked in a few months. I’m also sure there will be lots more stuff to write about, so watch this space.

So until next weeks thrilling episode,

Bye for now

Graham