Greetings World

And welcome to this weeks thrilling installment, brought to you courtesy of the Tunisian tourism board. Kidding. 

Mini pork pies and Branson. Now where is the Caffreys.

Its been a rather slow week. In fact its hard to believe its only a week since New Year.  The holidays seem like a distant memory now. The team is gradually drifting back from the UK and in some cases bringing reminders of Christmas. Billy from Tyneside arrived armed with a selection of mini pork pies, branston pickle, piccalille and Colemans English Mustard. Willie arrived back from Glasgow with 4 cans of Caffreys, ( one of which has my name on it !!) and a selection of Walkers crisps and best of all, Cockney John had a Cadbury’s Selection Box. That didn’t last long!!

The office Christmas tree is packed away for another year.  The decorations have been stowed and it’s business as usual.  Of course we are still awaiting the arrival of the accommodation rig before we can really get to work. But there’s plenty to keep everyone occupied.

More importantly, this week has introduced me to the delights of La Perla Café Bar.  The dubious pleasure of the Petit Navire restaurant and given me an insite into the way Tunisians service their cars. Or rather don’t, 

The Wedding Gift

On Thursday, the team planned a trip into Sfax town centre. This was a Stag night for one of the guys who is getting married next weekend. Mark was leaving country last Saturday and traveling to Canada for his forthcoming nuptuals. A collection earlier in the week netted a tidy sum and Sahla and Willie were duly dispatched into Sfax to purchase a wedding gift.  I have to say, lacking a John Lewis’s wedding list or any kind of wedding shop in Sfax, they did remarkably well. The only criteria they were given was that the gift needed to be portable. Well it was going thousands of miles by plane.  They arrived back with a couple of  handmade rugs. Colorful if not quite tasteful, but I suppose that’s subjective. Thursday morning the team gathered around Marks desk and I made the presentation. Pleased to say he was suitably embarrased, but also looking forward to a few beers that evening. Which brings me to La Perla.

La Perla Cafe Bar

The inauspicious front to La Perla

Most bars in Tunisia are in hotels or are restaurants. La Perla is the closest thing I have found to a UK style pub – but with a difference. To describe LA Perla, consider  a cross between a large gents toilet and a small working mans club. Picture,  if you will, an inauspicious frontage with a smoked window under an awning bearing the legend, La Perla Café Bar. Through a plain white door you enter into a smallish room,  entirely finished in white ceramic tiles.  Floor, walls and I suspect ceiling. I say suspect, as I couldn’t actually see the ceiling for the clouds of cigarette smoke. In fact,  it was a job to see your hand in front of your face at times. I’d say the place can probably hold around 3 dozen people comfortably. As there were around 100 or so, it was a bit of a squeeze. Of all the punters,  I think I was the minority of 1 who wasn’t smoking – at least actively. I probably breathed in the equivalent of 100 fags. Per hour.

The majority of the clientele were Tunisian, until we arrived. I didn’t think it possible we would get seated, but I was wrong. The staff managed to clear an area in the centre if the room. A few round BBQ tables appeared through the smog and were manhandled over the heads of the throng. These were followed by a series of plastic chairs and we were all set. So far so good. I was impressed by the bar itself. It was totally bare,  but behind the bar were bottles of every whiskey you could imagine. Closer inspection revealed that they were all empty, but it still looked impressive. More interesting to me were the advertisements on the walls.  Newcastle Brown Ale, McEwans draught export, Guinness, Amstel larger and Tubourg. This looked promising. Sadly, all they actually sold was Tunisian Celtia, but hey ho, at least it was cold and in plentiful supply.

Celtia, better by the crate

And it certainly was in plentiful supply. You don’t buy beer here by the glass or even the bottle. You buy it by the crate! We started off with 4 crates of Celtia and followed it with a second round of another 4 crates of Celtia. At the end of the night, the landlord simply counts up the number of empty or part empty crates you have amassed around your table and charges you per crate. But this isn’t just a common beer drinking den. Oh no!   You also get food. The food isn’t optional, its brought out and replenished until you cant take any more. Choice is  a bit limited but very good. That night it consisted of freshly peeled almonds, deep fried prawns, deep fried calimari and deep fried goldfish.  Not  real goldfish. At least I don’t think so, but I am far from certain. I believe they were actually small red snapper or some close relation. These things are sold like whitebait. The guys simply dip them in flour and then deep fry them whole. They are around 3 to 4 inches in length and are exceptionally tasty. It’s a bit comic book however. You end up with a table full of little fish heads and tails with  just the back bones connecting the two ends. The sea food is very  fresh and very tasty and from what I can gather, complimentary with the beer.

Snack Food Tunisian Style

The kitchen where this is prepared is a laugh. Its basically a cupboard but about 6 ft up in the air.  You can just about see a little guy through the smoke clouds, squatting with a deep fat fryer. He would throw handfuls of the sea food in to it for frying, with steam and fat splattering around his ears. Once ready, it was lowered by the bucket full, literally, to another guy below who distributes it between tables. No music, no women, no oxygen but a suprising amount of atmosphere and character. Oh and a tv showing arab football. A perfect stag  night location I thought. Moreover, I’m sure another couple of washes will get the smell of fag smoke out of my clothes!!!

Deep fried seafood from a Smokey eyrie

As an afterthought…..

I think this would be a great concept to bring back to Scotland as a theme chain of pubs. All you sell is beer in bottles and you sell it by the case. Change the nibbles to suit more conservative, ( or demanding) Highland tastes and you could make a fortune. You may have to invest in a decent airconditioning system. Probably work on the décor, but it has possibilities. You could even vary the original theme. Perhaps a Carribean theme selling cases of Bacardi Breezer. A Russian Bar with Smirnof Ice and an Irish theme with bottled guinness. Well it could work!

The Petit Navire

The promising front of La Petit Navire

More disappointing was last nights restaurant of choice. The Petit Navire. A much more impressive looking place, but given it was Saturday night it was very empty. Just me and a few guys from site. We were sat around a huge table in the middle of what is a huge restaurant, feeling rather lonely. Its actually hard to get bad seafood in Tunisia, especially in Sfax.  But we managed it last night. The prawns were old and overcooked.  The sole I had was grey, tasteless and I strongly suspect hadn’t seen the sea for a few weeks.  Even the bread was a bit iffy in a stale  – oh quick throw it in the oven and warm it up a bit  -kind of style. The menu looked interesting, some might even say adventuress. But the delivery was poor. I think the lack of customers means they can’t afford fresh ingredients each day. Or staff. Given the time it took to deliver the food, there was either a freezer and a microwave involved.  Or a scooter ride to the owners mum’s house!!! Fortunately there have been no ill efects so far, but I have the imodium on standby just in case.

And so to Cars

You’ve got to laugh

Previously, I have gone on at length about the driving out here.  I’m going to do so again. My wonderful Audi is a good car, especially by Tunisian standards. I like it. But It has, in common with most cars out here,  a couple of little problems. Top of the list being that the break warning light tends to flash on and of, especially in the mornings. Whilst initially concerned, I have gotten blasé about this and have learned to ignore it. Just before christmas, the major service light started flashing. I asked if the car could be serviced whilst I was in the UK and was told that this would be done. Hence I came back to Sfax expecting all the warning lights to be extinguished and the car working perfectly. When I did get back, the car was exactly where I left it.  I was assured that it had been thoroughly serviced and was fine. So it was a bit disappointing that I still had my brake warning and service light still on. A rather tetchy conversation with the garage followed.  It was explained that the garage don’t have the necessary computer attachment to reset the service counter.   Consequently, the lights were going to have to stay on. OK I thought, sounds plausible. The brakes do work so I wasn’t overly concerned. Until that is, I had to use a wire fence as a buffer stop at work one morning. After this incident, I checked the car myself. As a result of my checking, I bought some brake fluid and decided to top up all the other various fluids.  I’m now pleased to report that now the car works fine.  Now it has brake fluid, the warning light has gone off and stayed off. Suprising or what

Another Near Miss

The benefit of reliable brakes were demonstrated on the way home last night as I was driving back from town. On the main road out of Sfax, there was a large green wheely bin sitting right in the middle of the carriage way. Suprising to see but not especially difficult to avoid. However, as I was driving past it, I was surprised to see a second large industrial wheely bin come flying out of a side street, wobble alarmingly into the middle of the road before heading straight towards me. This bin was being hotly pursued by a couple of Tunisian refuse collectors. Bear in mind this road is the Tunisian equivalent of the M1. Fortunately, my newly refilled brakes assisted by the ABS handled the situation perfectly and I even got a friendly wave from one of the bin men as I passed within inches of him at 70 km / hr. At least I think it was a friendly wave!!

Now all I have to worry about is the service light. Still one thing at a time.

And on that upbeat note I shall wrap up, so tune in next week to another thrilling instalement of the Arabian Nights!!!

Cheers All,

Graham